Questions Every Physician Spouse Should Ask During the First Job Search

In Part One, I shared what our first post-training job search felt like from my perspective as a physician spouse.

My tagline for the process became, "my husband was interviewing for a job. I was interviewing for our life."

If you are heading into the first attending job search with your physician spouse, this post is for you :) 

1. Start With the Questions to Ask Each Other

Before the interviews start and before an offer makes everything feel urgent, talk about what you both want this next chapter to look like.

Not just what your physician wants professionally.

What do you want your life to look like?

Ask each other:

• What matters most to us about where we live?

• How important is proximity to family?

• How much call feels manageable for our family? (you might be coming from a place where anything will feel better. Remember better than residency is a pretty low threshold)

• How much commute are we willing to tolerate?

• Would we accept less money for more flexibility?

• How important are prestige, academic opportunities or partnership potential?

• Do I want my career need to become a bigger priority now?

• Would we rather have a better job in a city we do not love, or a slightly less perfect job in a place that feels better?

• Do we want to buy quickly, or would renting give us more flexibility?

• What would make us leave a job after a year or two?

And maybe the most important question:

What does a good life after training actually look like to us?

2. Research Before You Go (but don't go crazy)

You can learn a surprising amount before the interview starts. I am someone who researches everything. My husband would go to his interviews and I would sit in the hotel on Zillow obsessing about the housing market. Then I would check the schools zoned for houses I liked. I would look up direct flights from the closest airports. So hear me when I say... I can go crazy with research but.... 

My tagline here would be "Research until it becomes unhelpful. There is such thing as too much information. Don't let your research make your decision before the interview begins." 

It's okay to...

• Look at housing.

• What does it cost to buy the type of home you would realistically want?

• What does the rental market look like?

• If schools matter, start learning the district boundaries and what those boundaries mean for housing.

• Look at commute times.

• If your spouse may work at multiple hospitals or clinics, map all of them.

• Is there a major airport?

• Are there direct flights to family?

• How expensive and time-consuming would it be to get home after travel?

And do not forget your own career.

• Would you need a new professional license or can you be granted reciprocity? 

• What are the opportunities in your field?

• Would you be taking a step forward, sideways or backward professionally? How do you feel about that?

The goal is not to decide whether you like the city from your laptop. It is to arrive knowing what questions you still need answered.

3. Encourage Your Physician to Understand the Actual Job

Before getting too distracted by salary, understand what the day-to-day work really looks like...

At the end of the interview (or during tiny gaps in the day) take actual notes. Pen and paper or word vomit into a note on a phone. You want to remember all the details. 

Some questions to consider...

• What types of cases or procedures will they actually do?

• How much time will be spent in clinic, surgery, procedures, research or administrative work? 

• Will they work at one hospital or several? 

• What does call really look like?

• How are weekends and holidays divided?

• How is compensation structured?

• What are the productivity expectations?

• If there is a bonus structure, do the bonuses get paid out timely? (We interviewed for a hospital that "gives bonuses" but they hadn't been paid out in two years).

• What does success look like in the first year?

A great compensation package cannot fix a job your spouse dislikes doing every day.

Sometimes uncertainty is unavoidable, especially in a growing department. But uncertainty is still information and everyone has a different risk tolerance threshold. 

4. Ask Other Spouses and Families the Questions You Cannot Find Online

Some of my most useful conversations happened outside the formal interview process.

If you have the opportunity to meet other physician spouses, take it. 

Here are some talking points or questions to ask that might help you get a sense for life in this city. 

• Ask whether the job turned out to be what they expected. Any promises that were made and broken?

• Ask how they made friends.

• Ask where physician families tend to live and why. 

• Ask whether most spouses work.

• Ask how difficult child care is.

• Ask what they do on weekends.

• Ask whether the physician's schedule feels manageable. Is that physician specific or workplace expectations? 

You can learn a lot from the answers, the body language and any long pauses or sighs. 

5. Pay Attention to What Nobody Says

Not every piece of useful information is stated. If you have the chance to attend any interview dinners with your physician partner, I definitely recommend watching how people interact. 

• Do the physicians seem comfortable together?

• Do they laugh?

• Do they talk about life outside the hospital?

• Does dinner feel easy, or does everyone seem like they are fulfilling an obligation?

• How long have people been there?

• Are several people new because the program is growing, or because physicians keep leaving?

• Pay attention to how clearly people describe the role.

• If you ask three people the same question, do you get three different answers?

Notice the city too.

• Does the commute feel manageable?

• Are the neighborhoods you like realistic for the physician's schedule?

• Could you see yourself running errands, getting coffee, taking your child to school or meeting a friend there?

6. Ask Yourself the Questions No One Else Can Answer

At some point, you have to step away from the compensation package, the hospital reputation and everyone else's opinions and ask yourself how you actually feel.

• Can I picture myself living here?

• Would I be happy here if my spouse were working long hours?

• Can I build community here?

• Would I feel isolated?

• Would I have access to the things that make me feel like myself?

• What does this move mean for my career?

• Would I resent being far from family? Would I feel too close to my family? 

• Would I resent choosing family over the “best” job?

• Am I excited about this place?

There is also a harder question worth asking:

Am I comfortable saying what I want?

Medical training can teach families to adapt over and over again to the physician's career. Of course, that may have been necessary during training. But now, everyone has preferences and yours deserve a place in the conversation too.

The Spouse Is Part of the Interview Process

Your physician is trying to determine whether this is the right professional opportunity.

You are trying to determine whether it is the right life.

So....

• Talk to each other before the process starts.

• Research before you travel.

• Make sure the actual job is clear.

• Ask other spouses the questions recruiting materials cannot answer.

• Pay attention to what you observe.

And then ask yourself how the place actually feels.

By the time the offer arrives, you have more than a salary number and a benefits package to compare.